Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize