Just cropdusted the office
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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