good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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