hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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