Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
