believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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