i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
