He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
