I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
