We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
