Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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