The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
