Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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