pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Shame is for Republicans.
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