four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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