Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
