Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
