My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
