I heard we made out
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize