Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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