She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
