Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize