He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
