So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Apparently you make a good broom.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
