Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
And then my night got REAL pukey
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
