I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
