They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
