Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
