So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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