Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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