I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
