I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
