We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
