Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
