I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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