Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
