I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize