And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
