what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
