No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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