This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
