im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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