I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize