If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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