He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
