I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
