You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
