when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
