Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
