Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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