and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
