Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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