I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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