Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
