Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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