I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Define "chronic" masturbator.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
