im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
