oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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