Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize