I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
