Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
