If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
someone owes me an orgasm
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
