i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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