Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
