did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize