I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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