i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
