Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
