i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
