Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
