At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You made out with two different species that night
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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