ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
